My liver just broke up with me...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
