Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
