oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
