remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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