The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
