Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
