The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
