Do you still have your period?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
