i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
