You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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