and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
