I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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