i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
