moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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