She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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