I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
