You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
3pm strippers are depressing
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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