I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
