Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
pray to the hookup gods
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
