So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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