I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
