drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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