she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
