I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize