She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
