the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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