I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
