I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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