i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
