Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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