im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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