So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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