i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
