Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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