You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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