Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
this is an emotional support booty call
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
