it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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