I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
