Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
