A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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