could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
