i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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