After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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