There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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