So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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