If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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