you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
