she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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