How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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