hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
