I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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