apparently the secret to your success is patron
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
