I wanna bring you to show and tell
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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