Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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