You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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