Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
