I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
