I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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