Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
