What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
