I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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