Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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