It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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