i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
