No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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